I can’t help but notice that no one is fleeing in terror from the hairy crazy...
GateHouse— Before the hairy crazy ants came, everything was going pretty well: Ohio State was losing, the AL East was being proficiently escorted out of the playoffs, I dropped a 98-point monster on my...
View ArticleI for one welcome our new walking octopus / monstrous insect overlords
GateHouse – The good news: The world will officially not end as a result of the disastrous tsunami of semi-coherent pepperoni-mouthed idiocy that would have defined The Herman Cain Presidency! The bad...
View ArticleHybrid sharks and Hasselhoff crabs: Why the ocean is trying to kill you
GateHouse — IMPORTANT AQUATIC ANIMAL POLL / DRINKING GAME, DEPENDING ON WHAT TIME IT IS ON YOUR INTERNET: Would you rather find yourself swimming in the ocean with a shark that is a hybrid of two other...
View Article9 Ways Childbirth Would Be Different If You Were Pregnant With A Killer Whale
NickMom — What? You’ve all thought about it. . Registry: Plankton plankton plankton plankton plankton plankton plankton plankton. Everyone laughed when you said you wanted to have an underwater birth...
View ArticleI am unsettled by the appearance of this triceratops in my home
GateHouse — So naturally, there is an animatronic triceratops in my house. It’s right there, six or eight feet behind me, staring at me with dead Rock-A-Fire Explosion eyes that are currently locked...
View ArticleToddlers almost fall into the ocean pretty much all the time, right?
GateHouse — So it’s totally normal for kids to almost fall off of piers into oceans during trips to the water with their dads, right? That’s a thing that happens pretty regularly? Right? All the time?...
View ArticleThe ‘Super’ in ‘Super Lice’ is a Positive, Right?
GateHouse — WARNING: Today’s column will include repeated uses of the phrase “SUPER LICE.” If you are like me — which you are not, unless you’re currently hopscotching around the room squealing “ew...
View ArticleRelax, Everyone, That’s Not Rain, It’s Just Spiders (via The Mid)
The Mid — You guys can worry about your global warming and your melting polar ice caps and all those asteroids aiming at us from space, but it’s raining spiders in Australia so it’s pretty clear we...
View ArticleOh Sure, Like You’ve Never Watched a Cow Give Birth With Your Sons Before...
. The Mid — GRAPHIC CONTENT WARNING: This piece contains explicit descriptions of cow birth, but trust me when I say that though they’re all true, detailed and kind of slidey, reading them is not...
View ArticleIf you ever find yourself dreaming there’s a spider on your neck, wake up and...
GateHouse — Important safety tip: If you ever find you’re having a dream in which there’s a spider crawling on your neck, wake up and check it out immediately. And I will tell you why. (Yes I realize...
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